November, 2025
With another November we have another Thanksgiving holiday. For some of you, that means football and (too much) turkey. For others, you make a concerted effort to stop and give thanks for all your blessings. With this season in mind, allow me to share some thoughts on the subject of gratitude.
My mind goes back twenty-plus years to the five year-old birthday party of a friend’s child. It was amazing—there was a petting zoo that day at the large mansion that was hosting the event, a woman creating balloon animals, food by the top caterer in town, cake from the most prestigious bakery…and presents. There were over 20 presents from the various families who were invited to the party.
It was fascinating to watch the child, guided by her well-meaning parents, open each gift. Initially, the little girl was “staying on script”—following Mommy’s and Daddy’s lead in paying close attention to gift being opened, then going to the gift-giver and saying a practiced “thank you for my present,” then moving on to the next gift.
After about her fifth gift, human nature began to kick in: she was a little less careful in opening the package, a little briefer in her thank you, a little quicker in dismissing that gift and moving on to the next.
You might say, “What do you expect from a child?” And I agree, the child just did what any human would do. Which is to say that the more we have, the less we appreciate each and every thing we have.
This little girl was unwittingly set up for expectation, disappointment, and diminished gratitude—which ultimately leads to unhappiness. As parties like this become the norm, she will no doubt begin to expect the windfall. That expectation in turn leads to disappointment when some aspect of future celebrations fails to measure up. And when current events and celebrations fail to match those previous, we have diminished gratitude.
This phenomenon can be summed up by the words often uttered in the rooms of recovery, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”
As you read this, ask yourself:
How do I structure my life and my children’s lives in a way that helps us appreciate more deeply what we do have?
Where in my life can I lower (or eliminate) expectations in order to be a happier person?
Until next month,
Mark