September/October, 2025
The month of September has been designated “National Recovery Month.” In honor of that I would like to address the topic of recovery.
I have worked in the field of addiction recovery for the past decade and a half, and, as the time goes by, my definitions of addiction and recovery have expanded.
When I think of the process of “recovery,” my immediate thought is “from what?” There are many addictions to recover from—drugs, alcohol, pornography, sex, work compulsion, food/eating compulsions, phone, social media, etc.
But that is the “low-hanging fruit”—there are more. For as long as I have worked as a therapist I have noticed that everybody is “recovering from something: pleasing others, perfectionism, approval-seeking, norm-rejecting, avoiding shame, living in fear of others.
The Japanese art of Kintsugi is where a broken dish or vase is restored by gluing the pieces back together with gold leaf, leaving the piece more beautiful and valuable than in its unbroken condition.
I think the recovery process has similarities to Kintsugi:
- The original entity has broken (addiction/personal failure)
- One asks, do I throw it away (further addiction/suicide) or try to preserve it ?(enter recovery)
- When one does the careful, arduous work (12 Steps), the “vessel” is so much more valuable than could have been imagined (full of empathy, wisdom, calm)
- Outsiders will look at the “finished product” with little comprehension of what the recovery/restoration involved (“How do you handle things so well? You make it look so easy.”).
- Others will agree that the restored item is far better than the original (“I want to be like you!”)
As you read this, ask yourself:
Have I not appreciated how my mistakes and imperfections make me more valuable than if I had always done the right thing ?
How can I use my brokenness to be of service to others?
Until next month,
Mark